Disclaimer: Memory is a
funny thing, and an elusive one. Meaning; I might have some of this
wrong, as 1. My memory is not always accurate, like anyone and 2. It is
from my perspective only. Any friends who were there, feel free to
correct me or add things I have missed. It helps! Also, no gossip on
anyone here, it ain't about that. Personal details are on a surface
level, and friends, girlfriends and others are re-named to respect their
privacy. People in bands generally put their names out there on albums
and in interviews anyway, and are not in the habit of staying anonymous,
and therefore are named here. That said, anyone who is in the blog that
wishes me not to use their name has only to ask.
This
means two things: I will be coming back to entries and adding things to
them over the months following publication, and, that the part of the
above disclaimer where I ask for help from people in keeping me honest
and in remembering things is crucial to them. I thank anyone ahead of
time who was there, and, those who weren't there who have access to
valid info, for helping me to correct errors in dates or
chronology. Yes, I have the Internet, but many bands, scenes and things I
will cover did not receive the attention I feel that they deserved and
thus I will recall them mostly from memory, or rather, memories; mine
and those of friends. Also, friends who were in bands which I do not
happen to mention, please don't take it personally, just remind me. I have created a monster in undertaking this blog, one which I am determined to ride until the end!
Lastly,
as mentioned, this scene gained national attention, and thus, needless
to say and as we all know, many bands/people became famous, became rock
stars, were/are admired by millions, etc and etc...This makes another
part of my original disclaimer even more important. This memoir is
intended to tell my story, from my perspective. I have no intention of
creating a place where people can seek gossip about famous people, nor
is it about 'name-dropping'. I write of my impressions of people, bands,
and the Seattle scene from the '90s into the early 2000s. I protect
those who are my friends fiercely because a symptom of being known is
frequent intrusion into their lives beyond a level that I feel
is acceptable. Thank you for indulging me this disclaimer.
A kind of disclaimer on Violent Green entries...In
writing about the band Violent Green, at this time I am not in contact
with Jenny O'lay, so I am not directly getting input from her, and, one
member is no longer alive. In the case of the former, out of respect to
O'lay, I am compelled to keep personal details at a high level, and in
terms of Drew Quinlan (RIP, Brother), I am not in touch with any of his
family to get approval of what I write about concerning him, as I did
with my previously passed bandmate, Pat Schmaljohn (and thus felt better
in writing about Pat) but I do not have the same access to family in
Drew's case, so for that reason, out of respect for Drew and his family,
I will also keep details at a high level. I won't make it cold and
unpersonal, don't misunderstand me. Our dynamic as people was a huge
part of the band. I guess what I am getting at is there are details that
will remain private, to meet with high standards I strive to meet on
this blog, even more so in light of this lack of input from the former band-mates of which I write. I hope I have achieved these standards. This also
brings up the point I always make, but it is important to reiterate;
this is all from my perspective only, and of anyone whom I get input
from.
Our
odd relationships and their tensions were one with the music, and I
think, actually I know, that was a good thing, a necessary ingredient of
this band, a band that forever reshaped how I thought about music, both
listening to it and making it. I owe that to Drew and Jenny's
brilliance and imperfectness, which made me feel okay about my own
imperfections, (only to a degree, as my inner, self-critical voice was
still in full effect) and it helped me realize that even I held
brilliance, in my own way, when I played with them, warts and all. One
thing I can confidently say is; we gave a fuck about the music. And that
was because this was a highly musical band (most of the people who got
what we were doing were musicians themselves) and thus I will focus much
of my energy in terms of the VG entries talking about that; the music,
it's influences and forms, and how the three of us and what we brought
to the band from previous projects and the music we each loved, created,
eventually, a rich tapestry. It is worth digging into this world O'lay
spun with this bizarre, dark, poppy, goth, folksy punk music from Mars ~*
A silly Steve Fisk disclaimer: Steve Fisk is everywhere in this blog because, as you can/will see, we worked together a lot during this time, and we work together still. Deal with it! (Or, make it into a drinking game).
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My other blogs: Short Story Long - (Top of mind, conversational, formal essays, photo essays, etc.) Artwork, Poetry
I have been away a while due to life interruptions, the most recent being that I had back surgery in November, but it ain't my first rodeo, and I am on the mend, getting better and stronger every day. I also got COVID then recovered from it a few weeks ago (thankfully I had just gotten my 2nd booster, otherwise I would have been way more sick). Before all that, during the height of this bad apocalyptic sci-fi film we found ourselves living in (complete with a fascist leader in power) I assumed I would be working on this blog and my other blogs (see links above) a lot, but no, I wasn't feeling it. Other medical issues, friends dying, an odd romantic online interlude with someone from my past (an interlude that couldn't be consummated due to the pandemic, proximity and other quirks about it, but it's cool, we're still buds) plus ice storms, power outages, heat waves, smoke-outs from wildfires and more made sure that I wasn't feeling it. Despite all that, I am grateful for what I have, and where I am at. If it weren't for the love and help of my friends (and the hard work of doctors, nurses and physical therapists) it would have been almost impossible to endure. I bow in respect, and I hope you readers/friends are all well, and hanging in there. OK, back to the chronological blog, daunting as ever due to so much that was going on in my life in 1994-1995. I will do my best to keep it all sorted. Thank you all for your patience and the notes of encouragement; as I always say in response; thank you, it is a labor of love.
RIP Tracey, you were truly one of the finest human beings to walk the Earth.
RIP Jon Hale, now with Tracey, for they were meant to be together, wherever, forever. You were the one who, with your band Commonauts, inspired a 16 year old Wayne to play music in a band in the early '80s, and gave me the honor of playing drums in Commonauts when the band reformed in 2014, and who was integral to both the Boise and Seattle music scenes. So much more to say about Jon, I will devote an entry to him, when I am ready. And I ain't ready. Miss you, Captain Commonaut.
Wayne R. Flower II, Summer, 2022
Bye, bye bagels
My job at Spot Bagel had disintegrated after seeming to be promising for a time; I ended up co-managing the Spot Bagel cafe' by the Pike Place Market for a short time with one of the bagel bakers, a wonderful woman who I became close friends with, and am friends with to this day, she now lives with her wife and son in Tacoma. The manager who helped me to become a manager was a great guy, the definition of a 'cool boss,' but he had to go rescue the flagship cafe' and eventually left because new executive management had taken over in Corporate, who basically ruined the company over a short period of time (in my mind, many other minds) especially responsible for this was one woman in particular, who came from the mega corporate tech world and made terrible decisions that crushed the family-like atmosphere created by the founder, who, as I mentioned, seemed like a decent guy to me.
I learned a lot from managing. The main thing I learned (but forgot when I gave it a go again as a boss at a different company years later); I am not cut out to be a boss (I had also previously been a boss when I was foreman of a cleaning crew for an apartment building remodel, covered in a previous entry, but the cafe' job was different, I was more of an 'official' boss there). A boss has to sort of cut themselves off from being an actual friend with their employees, and I had a hard time doing that, and a hard time disciplining people when it was needed. I just never felt comfortable with compartmentalizing my personality in that way.
I did, however, learn to multi-task efficiently, and handle a variety of diverse tasks. For example, a day-in-the-life may be: the giant bagel oven broke down and I was calling for repairs and then right after that, sitting down to broker the peace between two employees who were fighting, then ordering what food and beverages we needed, signing in deliveries, then on to accounting, then, dealing with a pissed customer who was being an asshole to my employees (in Seattle in the '90s, this happened a lot - at one point the price of a dozen bagels went up a nickel and the yuppies flipped out, so I had my cash register employees keep a cup of nickels by the register, instructing them to give them to people who were being assholes about it, and after letting them rant, say something like, "You seem pretty upset about it. Here, here's your nickel," and they would storm out in a rage, often throwing the nickel on the counter before exiting).
Eventually a new boss placed over me and my co-manager was brought in, and he was awful (and his reign ended after I left when an affair he was having with a very young employee began to interfere with his management, and ultimately ended when his young lover stole a bunch of money from the cafe' and ran).
So I followed my boss to the flagship shop, and right before he quit, as shitty luck would have it, the aforementioned awful manager was chosen to take over there. Then came dress codes (always the death knell of any remaining coolness at an establishment) which were antithetical to the identity the place had always been known for; it's very character and appeal. One employee was a drag queen, and he wore modest make up and colorful, expressive, non binary clothing. They forbade him to dress that way, or to wear make-up while working (but women could of course still wear it!). We were all furious. The place just went down hill from there. I had to bail, so I quit.
One good thing that came of working at Spot Bagel was that I began to write about all the weird experiences I had there, serving uptight Seattle yuppies and dealing with mentally ill street people who wandered into the cafe, and this writing became a way to reconnect with Pat from State of Confusion and Treepeople, who had started an arts and entertainment magazine in Boise called Street Magazine, for which Scott (Pat's brother) also from the same bands, contributed to, honing his developing graphic arts skills, skills that eventually led to his own successful business that he still makes a living with today. Scott had just moved back to Boise in 1994, making me the lone ex Treepeople member left in 'Jet City'. The articles I wrote were titled 10 Reasons Not to Move to Seattle, a reaction to the mass influx of people coming to settle in the city then, radically transforming it in mostly undesirable ways (as well, the title was poking fun at top 10 lists, which were wildly popular then in print media (which is all we had besides TV and radio, Baby), and wonderfully parodied at the time on the David Letterman Show). I had a lot of fun doing the articles, it was my first experience of having my writing read by a wide audience, and the first time that I had deadlines for my writing outside of school. I am forever grateful to Pat for giving me that opportunity (I will be adding some scans of the articles and go into Pat and my collaborations, including the original publication he and I did of poetry and art called 'Food' in a 'Missed Bits' entry, draft already begun).
A New Job (A good one, for a change)
I don't remember how I got this job, maybe I saw it in the newspaper (that's how we did it in those days, kids!) or a friend told me about it, regardless, a small, well respected specialty caterer in Seattle, located in the upper middle class neighborhood in the furthest northern part of Capitol Hill, hired me as a delivery driver. They were such good people that they instantly became like family to me, and this job offered me stability and support that I truly needed at that time, as well as flexibility to accommodate my rapidly growing music career (and they were the first client for a cleaning business I started, more on that next entry). The owner was/is a wonderful woman who very quickly became a sort of surrogate mother to me in some ways (and a personal hero), from whom I learned a lot about food and life from; she forever has my respect and gratitude. Thank you, Jane!
Having a decent stable income was huge for me at this point in my life generally, and as a musician. It allowed me to more easily buy music equipment and travel to places for touring and increasingly, for recording, which started with an unexpected call from my former band-mate from Treepeople, Doug Martsch, who was then starting to become well known in the Northwest music scene and in pockets of music nerds throughout the world from his band Built to Spill.
Per Calvin Johnson, when Treepeople was still together (and after I had quit the band) they played a show in 1992 at a now long closed space in Austin, Texas with Beat Happening, the seminal Olympia, Washington band co-founded by Calvin (who was also co-founder of K Records). Calvin by then had become well known as a musician, record label owner and all around promoter of the Olympia music scene, which was then at its zenith.
Treepeople had met Calvin before the Austin show, when Calvin put on some shows for the band (a couple of which were when I was still a member) and at these shows, as often happened in those days, the bands exchanged tapes; the Beat Happening tape was Dreamy (I can guess that the Treepeople tape we gave him was probably the No Mouth Pipetting demo, based on the period of time). Per Calvin, he and Doug hit it off. A little while after this meeting, Doug had listened to the Dreamy tape and liked it. One of Doug’s first inspirations that led to he and Calvin ultimately collaborating arose from Doug listening to the song by Beat Happening from Dreamy called Revolution Come and Gone, as he wanted to use a sample of Calvin saying the word ‘revolution’ for the Built to Spill song Revolution (from the Built to Spill debut, Ultimate Alternative Wavers). This led to Doug asking Calvin if he “wanted to sing on this thing I am doing [ie, a music project].”
Doug's
memory of how he and Calvin connected is a bit different, but that is
the way of memory when decades separate us from these times, and the truth of it is
probably in a bit of both memories (that is how it seems to be in my experience,
anyway).
Doug remembers seeing Beat Happening for the first time when they opened for Fugazi in Seattle (I was also at that show, it was great) and he really liked them. He said at that Fugazi show, he remembers Beat Happening being kind of silly and cute, but when he saw them in Austin (at the aforementioned show) they were different, and pretty intense.
After the first Built to Spill record (which had gotten a positive response in the Olympia scene) Doug wanted to work with someone else who sang and sent a tape to Calvin, and Doug was really excited about working with him. They didn’t really know each other that well and it was kind of awkward at first (this I understand, as, like Doug, up to being in Violent Green and Halo Benders, I had also only played music with people I knew pretty well already) but despite that, they totally got each other and connected through the music.
They worked on some songs together like Scarin’ (Doug says this was his favorite song and at some point he realized that the chords were the same as ‘Rocky Racoon’ by the Beatles) and other tunes. A memory he had was that one night he could hear Calvin singing Scarin’ in the bathtub. Doug would “...wrap chords around the notes.” At some point it became clear that they needed more people to be part of what they were doing, especially a drummer.
Doug later called to ask if I wanted to come down to Olympia and lay down some drum and bass tracks. I of course said yes, it sounded fun. He had already recruited a friend from his Farm Days years, Ralf Youtz, who played drums on the debut Built to Spill LP, and who would soon become a musician of note in the Portland, Oregon music scene (Built to Spill,The Feelings, Sone, The No Nos, Ape Shape, Halo Benders) where he had moved from Boise (after having grown up in the same town as Doug; Twin Falls, Idaho) to also play bass and drums. The plan was that Ralf and I would switch back and forth on the two instruments, a formula that ended up working well throughout the life of the band. In a recent conversation with Calvin, he told me what he loved about working with Ralf and I was that he or Doug could ask one of us, "Can you put a bass (or drum) track on this song?" and Ralf or I would say, "Yeah," without hesitation and knock it out pretty quickly.
At the time of the recording, it wasn't yet a band; it was a project. We got together to see what we would come up with out of the very different songwriting and signing styles of Doug and Calvin, which became the signature sound of what ultimately became The Halo Benders.
Dub Narcotic Studio at the time was in the basement of Calvin's fairly large house in Olympia. The basement itself wasn't large, though, in fact it was a little cramped, especially the small tracking room where all the instruments were crammed. In the next room were racks of Calvin's vintage recording gear, looking to me like equipment from a mad scientist's lair in a '50s B sci fi film. Calvin told me that the Halo Benders debut was the first full album recorded there (and he had tracked some eps there prior), and a week after Doug left, he recorded the wonderful Beck LP, One Foot in the Grave (a record I am a big fan of) and that both records are the ones for which he has received the most praise for production, and he said he just used a couple of SM58 mics and some 'crappy preamps.'
Doug had written some songs and recorded them as demos prior to showing up for the first tracking sessions for God Don't Make No Junk (GDMNJ), like On a Tip, and some of the songs he and Calvin wrote together, like Freedom Rider, which evolved from a simple (but really rad, in my opinion) guitar part Calvin had written. Doug used a drum machine for the beats on the demo versions of the songs he wrote. Ralf told me he remembers when he tried to play an interpretation of the drum machine beat on the song Don't Touch My Bikini (which became the unquestionable fan favorite/'hit' upon release of the record), Calvin said to him, "Ralf, you are playing the beat like this;" and he proceeded to do a groovy, loose dance (in that way only he can) and then he said, "How you wanna play it is like this:" and he then did a more stiff, rigid dance, so Ralf wrote a beat that mimicked the drum machine beat very closely (production by dancing!).
As I remember it, the first song I tracked was the song Canned Oxygen, on which I played drums and Doug played bass and guitar (Doug is actually a great bass player himself, as it turned out; I had no idea). The song is punky and fun, and I employed the drumming style I had used in Treepeople. This song would be on the first 7 inch release from the session, and when GDMNJ made the Gimme Indie Rock: 500 Essential American Underground Rock Albums 1981-1996 list, it was called "...a musical high point for both principal personalities [Doug and Calvin]." But at that time, we had no aspirations for such compliments, or press. We were having a blast with this musical experiment.
As you can hear in the Canned Oxygen song, Doug and Calvin's voices were at opposite ends of the scales, Calvin's signature baritone and Doug's higher voice, and they each sang their own lyrics, occasionally melding in meaning, which also became a signature sound throughout the life of the band, and I think it really set us apart from other music at the time, and I have never heard anyone do it in quite this way since, as their lyrics usually rarely had anything to do with each other in terms of content. But somehow, like Scott Schmaljohn and Doug Martsch's 'jigsaw' guitar parts in Treepeople, it worked. I asked Doug if this was planned and via email, he responded, "There was no consistent approach to lyrics. Every song was different. Some lyrics like snowfall, don’t touch my bikini, and Freedom rider were written by Calvin and I just made up background vocals using his lyrics. Calvin wrote the rest of the words for will work for food after I showed him the song and sang the first line "I need a couch I haven’t got one." and then there were some songs like Virginia reel around the fountain where we both just sang whatever we wanted and didn’t pay any attention with the other one was singing."
Steve Fisk got a call from Calvin about some keyboard ideas he (Calvin) had for the record, so Fisk headed to Calvin's to do some tracking (and he also ended up mixing the record later). Calvin had some older keyboards and Fisk brought some of his own, he remembers one was his digital Hammond. It was the first time Fisk had been to Dub Narcotic Studio. There were two beautiful hand-made speakers (he thinks they were made by Diana Arens, an important DJ in Olympia who had a great KAOS FM radio show called Free Things Are Cool) and that Calvin had a "beefy solid state power amp."
Fisk's involvement in the band was somewhat limited, especially for touring, as he was very busy during the ‘90s doing music production work (for some great bands, I might add). Pigeonhed, a neo soul rock/groove band Fisk co-founded with Shawn Smith (RIP) was blowing up, and his band Pell Mell (one of my all time favorite bands) from his San Francisco days was still putting out music, and had signed with Geffen Records. As I have mentioned more than once, a lot was going on in the NW in music in the '90s (but do I really need to tell you that?).
The finished product that became the album God Don't Make No Junk was a pleasant surprise to me, in that it was constructed in a piecemeal fashion over time, and my involvement on it was to come in, track some drums, and head back to Seattle, so I had no sense of it as a whole, like I had with every other recording I had been on.
Ralf Youtz remembers it the same way, but also through the lens of a fan delighted to be a part of the project; "...For me, the mind-blowing moment came later, after I went home to Portland. I was living my life a few weeks or months later...and a cassette came in the mail with rough mixes of the whole record, basically in the order the record ended up [in]. With all that Steve Fisk stuff, all those Doug and Calvin performances they'd done after I left...I hadn’t heard any of it before, and I was like, I cannot believe that I'm involved in this!...I didn't talk about it [when he and I spoke for this entry]...this was such a huge deal for me, musically. You and Doug had been my musical role models since [attending] my first punk show in Idaho in 1985. Calvin, Beat Happening, and the K Records scene had made a huge impact on me starting in 1990. It was wild for me to be playing music either with - or at least on the same record as - some of my musical heroes." (from a chat with Ralf on Christmas Eve, 2021, at Dots Café in Portland, Oregon). I was also a fan of Doug's music, and having played music with him during his formative years didn't bias that at all, in fact, it enhanced it to see it evolve while being a part of it. I was new to the Olympia and K Records sound and scene, and to Calvin's work, but I quickly became an impressed fan, and as mentioned, I was already a fan of Fisk's work. Being part of this project/band was some of the most fun I have had playing music.
The record was received well by most music press and fans of Doug's and Calvin's music, and Steve Fisk's music and music production. Ralf and I were pretty much hired guns for this record, but progressively had a bit more creative input with each record, and Ralf ultimately wrote one of the songs on the final Halo Benders LP, The Rebel's Not In ('Rebel's Got a Hole In It'), a song on which I played only a snare drum (the only drums I played on the whole record, as by this point, I was officially the bass player) which proved to be exciting and challenging. More on that record and the other one later.
A Romantic Relationship in Decline
The heading above sounds like the title of some article, but it gets right to it. At this time in my life, a time when my life as a musician dominated more and more of my life and energy, my relationship of 5 years was on a downward slope. Because my life as a musician dominated more of my life? Not entirley. This isn't some alternate version of the sexist Kiss hit ballad, 'Beth.' This was about a young man who was confused about some things, and as I have hinted at, a coward about facing certain decisions that would have been better for both people involved had he faced them, made them, and it was about a young woman who had her own plans for life and forged ahead in the only way she could.
We all make mistakes, but our mistakes are ours to own alone. My partner headed off to college up North. She wanted me to come with her. I decided to stay, because...everything I had worked for in my life as a musician in Seattle (not to mention the Seattle scene itself) was booming. I couldn't give it up, and it seemed like traveling back and forth to rehearse, play shows and record was too much. Yes, this was a big part of it, and when things like this happen, this crossroad that rears its ugly head, certain things are no longer hidden. In this case, one of these things was the simple question I faced, but didn't acknowledge as to what I was actually choosing at the time; What do you choose? Your music career or your partner? I chose music. At the time, it didn't seem so cut and dry, so black and white. It was only an hour and a half away! We could make it work! Yeah...
Ok, so that does sound a bit like like the Kiss song, but hear me out. The truth is, I wanted out of this relationship. I know that now. But I fooled myself then. Because she was/is a wonderful person, and a big part of me didn't want to lose that. I had never been with such a good person in my life; but it also scared me. Mixed in with that emotional cocktail, I honestly didn't think I deserved her, deep down (and as it turned out, I didn't). And my attention was scattered then. My life as a musician had gotten busy, crowded and complicated. And I had anxiety and insecurity issues which did not help (as if they ever do...). I had been romantically hurt a number of times in my life, but I was with someone who would never do that to me. And like I said, that scared me, which is of course fucked up, but...
…how does one explain the complex emotions experienced when in love? The stage was set. The script wasn't written, but I was writing it on the fly, as my partner took a huge step to improve her life an hour and a half North of me, hurting because that wasn't as important to me as my music was, after she had stood by me for 5 years of her life while I toured, rehearsed for hours and hours a week and was often engaged in marathon recording sessions, and as a result couldn't always hold down a decent paying job. A story as old as cis gender, heterosexual relationships themselves in the 20th century (and continuing to the next). I didn't know it, but romantically at least, I was becoming a fucking cliché. And I would carry it all the way.
This blog, this memoir is, after all, the story of a person, in this case a young musician, but no story of a any musician is just about the musical journey. The music and the life are linked. But more importantly, there are many lives that are affected by this journey, and many people who support that journey, or, as my partner was doing at this point in the tale, are just living their lives juxtaposed to it, but because their story isn't the story of an 'artist', it isn't told enough. As well, the story of the musician's emotional life is not told enough except in some glorified 'suffering artist' context. Art is important, yes. To me, it always has been, always will be. But what I have learned is that these lives, the lives around art and artists (and often on which said art is inspired by or based on) are far more important. Because at some point, whether within a night or a lifetime, the music goes silent, the light is turned out on the visual art, the book is shelved and forgotten, the film or play becomes a fragment of memory. What is left is Life.
That's it for now, I plan to be more prolific with my blogs, especially this one. As I get older, writing becomes more prominent in my life, so I want to carve out more time for it.
Be well and be SAFE. The COVID variant out there is already very contagious and it is unusually hot out, so this Fall when conditions are ideal for transmission, it will be bad.
Wayne, 8/7/22
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